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Answers to Is Cybersex Cheating

This is a continuation of the original page on Cybersex and cheating

Updated 9/3/99 [M 52] We are a married couple, he is 52 she is 51, married 29 years, who have just found the joys of cyber-sex. We have signed on individually, and as a couple, and have had a ball! It took some convincing to get my wife to do this, but we have found out, SHE is the one in demand! Young women ask her how we have stayed together, so long, and young men are constantly hitting on her! We both have had several "great" sessions, individually, and as 3somes, with another female! Cheating? Definitely NOT! This is the greatest thing since sliced bread! The sex we have AFTER cybering is fantastic!
After 29 years of marriage, any sort of "safe" sexual release that is different is welcomed. I have done this, only recently, three times, now. Each time, I was really acting out some of my more common fantasies. With the help of some unknown, and unseen people, on the Internet, these experiences were very rewarding. The best reward, each time, was the reaction of my wife, upon hearing of them, as they took place while I was at work.

Updated 7/4/99 [F] I just read your readers' comments about whether or not cybersex is being unfaithful. Seems there is no consensus, but what I noted was a lack of any response from persons who are the cybersex partner and NOT in the physical relationship.
When I first met my cybersex partner, he told me he had a girlfriend but the relationship was unfulfilling. He alluded to dropping her. He and I began with many wonderful conversations, in which I thought he was disclosing information about himself, and I of course did likewise. He and I moved to the IRC part of the net, so that posting was immediate and in real time...in a private channel just he and I. We decided to meet in person.
He came to my house on Valentines Day...so romantic! It was better than online--the wildest of sex and he stayed for 5 days. He would come to see me every month, and every night we'd meet online at around 11:00 p.m. and we'd chat and cyber until sometimes 4 a.m.
We also had phone sex.
Then, he moved from the neighboring state to California. I went to visit him on vacation. He seemed a bit distant, and when he went off to work, asked me not to answer the phone if it rang. He said if he was calling he would let it ring twice, then hang up and call again. ONly then could I answer. FISHY???? you bet. But I went along with that.
2 months later, I was contacted out on IRC by a woman. She lived in another state and she told me he had been cybering her and coming to visit her since March! They had planned to get together way before Valentine's Day (*our* special first day).....she also told me she had just visited him in Californian and found out he was living, all along, with the girlfriend that was so unfulfilling. He had told her the same things he had told me, that he loved her, was doing everything in his power to come to her, wanted to live together....the whole soulmate thing.
So, I guess in all this, people should remember that the person they cyber with is more than just words on a screen. I still ache at the rememberance of how devastated I was when I found out. I was so crazy in love. I still am. Funny, he told his live-in girlfriend he'd never do it again with that other woman, but the girlfriend never found out about me. What's so crazy is he is still in my life. We don't cyber much anymore, and there is the occasional phone sex, and he even comes to see me once in awhile. But he will never be with me. Never. And neither of us will let go, and fool that I am, I can't quite get the guts up to tell him goodbye. So I have nothing, no one in my day to day life, nothing but a call now and then, a visit now and then. Words on a screen??? They are hurtful.

[?] This is a very easy question to answer. In the bible (sorry I don't know the quote) Jesus is talking about divorce and He continues on with " it doesn't matter if you physically commit adultery all you have to do is think about it and God views it as the same thing" this is why in the past people use to dress in a more "reserved" fashion. Of course we all are guilty of this, who hasn't been looking at some beautiful person and had a wish for an instant, but we aren't acting on it so I have to believe that God factors that in when deciding guilt but if we continue and indulge in cybersex we have gone far beyond a momentary urge we have acted on it.

[F] I'd like to respond to your forum question as to whether or not cybersex is cheating. I write to you from painful experience and hope to give you an insight of the pain such encounters may cause.
Three years ago, when we first became members of a popular on line server, the novelty of the new means of communication almost cost me my 18 year marriage.
It all started as it usually does. The innocence of discovering this unexplored world of chatting, meeting new people and the excitement of this new "thrill" : cybersex!, all blended together in a whirlwind of disaster. We had all the proper conversations an average, educated couple would have on the "rules" of cybering. We both enjoyed the stimulation of new encounters and fully understood that it was never to go any further then just that...fun!!!. Unfortunately, reality is a bitter pill to swallow. Now, two years later, a broken heart, a one year separation, countless tears, and the deception of knowing that even the best intentions do not prevent the biggest mistakes, I cannot help but to come to the hard core conclusion that cybering IS cheating. I don't care what means people use to justify their on line activities, people are just that, people!!! and as long as the human factor comes into an activity that falls slightly outside of the "rules", someone is going to get hurt!

[M 57] A cyber-partner isn't going to get her pregnant, spread any germs, or smoke my dope. Have a ball.

[M 45] As far as cybersex being cheating goes I have gone thru several discussions and given the matter some thought...First the term cyberrealtionship...If you are having a relationship then this implies you are getting something from it that the partner is either unable or unwilling to give...If this is a substitute then I believe you are cheating self and partner...Simply put you are merely hiding from the problems that exist in your REAL TIME relationship....I have been on-line over 9 years and seen the whole gamut of "relationships"...Heck I have even seen on-line "weddings"...In the majority of cases the people involved just had some reason not to confront the issues in the RT relationship....That said however I do consider cybersex nothing different than a masturbatory aid...The term slut to me connotes someone(gender nonspecific) who enjoys sex for sex sake...True passionate loving sex is better but in my mind anything that enhances knowledge and enjoyment without the messy emotional involvement is fair game...But as most people have indicated if you are wrapped up in it to exclusion of partner rather than enhancement of your RT relationship that is cheating...Thanks for the opportunity to express my views

[M 45] Yeah, I think it is cheating when the cyberaffair is hurtful to the other partner. I am currently in a cyberaffair with a woman who lives very far away, but it is known by my wife how I feel about her, (cause I told her) and she was hurt. But I contiue to do it.

[M 38] I am a male Seminary student (to be a minister). I am 38 and have been married since age 18, for almost 20 years now. My wife is the only sexual partner I have ever had...physically. Due to incest on both sides,our drives differ greatly. She would be very happy with sex twice a month when she really physically desires it. I would be perfectly happy with 2-3 times a day! Cyber sex, with a small group of women who are in the opposite situation with their spouse's sex drives, keeps our marriage working. I see it as an extention of fantasy, keeping me from physically being with other women. She would view it as lust and therefore, cheating due to emotional attachments.
Who is right? I honestly don't know. I do know that if it came out that I was sexually active on the net that there are many churches who would take the part that it WAS cheating, but I am going into the ministry because God wants me too and understands that many of "His" churches are not very Christlike. Sex is a gift from God, and if you are letting it stand between you and God it is not only cheating it is sin. If, however, you are using it as a means of enhancing your relationship with God and your spouse, then it is not. I am a better husband and father, lover and believer because of my on-line loves. I no longer hassle my wife for sex and cause problems in our relationshipo for it, and i am better able to truly appreciate our lovemaking when it happens on her schedule. Meanwhile, I am blessed with helping and being helped.
Am I cheating? My wife would say yes, and possibly leave me. I say no and see the benefits to both of us, and my on=line friends because of the ability to have this buffer between the difference in desire and need.

Updated 6/1/99 [F 42] As a woman (42) who loves to cyber I feel very strongly that it is not cheating. Some men love their wives dearly and use this as a means NOT to cheat. Their sexual appetites are not being fulfilled by the wife sometimes and rather then resort to REAL physical cheating they come online and explore things in the fantasy realm. Some wives of my "cyberlovers" even say it actually enhances their performance , therefore they love it when I cyber their husbands just before sex. In my opinion its no worse than watching a porn flick or reading an erotic magazine.

[F 33] I have done it once.... never again.... I find a keyboard an impersonal tool. as for the right or wrongs with it.... if you need to get a sexual top up by cybersexing, and it is done as a part of foreplay, therefore sharing the whole experience with your partner it can be fun. If you do it on a one-on-one thing, without your partner knowing well i consider it cheating.. as Sexual Relationships now are so open.... we should be able to share everything. So if you have to lie or with-hold information from your partner, it is cheating...

[?] Just read the letters about cybersex. I do not think of it as cheating. Its just harmless fantasy, as long as the other person doesn't get the wrong idea. I enjoy it, it adds spice to my significant other at home. To me, cybersex is not any different from reading you wonderful novels. Again, the key is honesty.

[F 39] I would have to agree with most of your readers who remark that cybersex is cheating if you are hiding it from your partner. I discovered this means of stimulation in a chat room shortly after getting a computer. At first, I thought it was harmless fun, but I wanted more than just sex from my cyberlover and things quickly got very intense between us. We even discussed seeing each other. Then my husband read a very explicit & loving letter that I'd written to the other man. He didn't tell me right away what he'd discovered, but he was terribly hurt & jealous. Eventually everything came out in the open. But in the meantime, my husband of over 20 years and I had alot to work through. And I lost my cyberlover, which was painful as I'd grown very fond of him. This whole experience ended up hurting 3 people very much. But another time my husband watched as I had cybersex with a stranger and that was a turn on for both of us. My problem is that I also want a bond with my sexual partner, as many women do, and that makes the issue more complicated.

[F 23]I personally do not think that cyber sex should be considered cheating. It is detached, words on a computer, faceless non sex. I think it is fun though...... I have enjoyed cybering quite a bit since I have been on the net. BUT, my boyfriend does feel that it is; not necessarily cheating..............but it bothers him, he does not like it one bit!! I don't cyber with men, I am bi, and I prefer to explore that side of myself via the web. I assumed that this would make my boyfriend more accepting of my cyber hobby. Only a tiny little bit......... he is suspicious of every person I talk to, Saying that he thinks they are guys.............. acting like girls. We have had several blowouts over this issue, and he wavers on his stance on it.
I am not giving my heart to the people I cyber with, I am not physically touching anyone, I really do not see how it could be considerred cheating! This has been a touchy subject in my household....... and the other day my b/f called me a cyberslut. This really hurt my feelings, and seems so silly to me!! So what if I am a cyber slut???
I agree with someone that responded before, that if cyber sex is considered cheating, then so is looking at naughty pictures, watching porn, and reading or writing erotic stories.

[?] I have read many of the responses to that question and the general consensus is that it is if the facts are withheld from one's lover, but not if they are discussed and accepted.
However, few letters address the hidden issue of the possibility of one falling in love with one's cybersex partner. Everyone seems to dismiss the issue with, "well, he gets off on me getting off so what's the problem?"
Well, the problem is that any kink in one's real relationship may result in a deepening in the relationship with one's cybersex partner(s).
Passive fantasies or pornography are less risky.....another human is not directly involved....but acting out of one's fantasies, be they menage a tois, call girls, or cybersex increases the risks of damaging the relationship with that one special person.
No, cybersex with shared knowledge and acceptance is not cheating, but is asking for trouble.

Updated 5/1/99 [M 38] The word "cheating" implies duplicity or at best, deception, so I'm assuming one's partner would have no knowledge of the "encounter". I can't see how that can be a healthy thing, ethics aside. What does it say about one's relationship when one covertly seeks sexual expression/gratification from another person? Or finds they have a need to do so regularly?

[F] In response to if cybersex is cheating....I say no. Not anymore than reading an erotic story, watching an x-rated movie, or even thinking of another person. I engage in it....and my husband knows. I am greatful that he does and "allows" it as I would feel incredibly guilty if I had to sneak...but this is just a personal feeling. I have been with my husband for almost 18 years. Our sex life is great with the exception of a lack of it during the week because of work exhaustion. This is when I "play"....and it takes nothing at all away from him. I also disagree with most of your other readers. I rather not have different partners all of the time. Sex of any kind to me is important...I prefer not to be a "cyber slut". I would rather find someone with whom I can get to know and develop a sincere and caring friendship with...from there we can share a mutual, harmless yet very fulfilling interest.

[F 43] I am a behavioral/social science major, with numerous psychology classes and sociology classes in my background, and I see cyber-sex in a different light.
First of all, the term "cheating" should be looked at as what it implies - the hiding of some sort of information that would be detrimental or hurtful to a life partner in a committed relationship.
If both partners are honest with each other about what they are doing, it could be very exciting to watch one's lover becoming aroused through the words of another person. I enjoy seeing my lover receive pleasure, and I would watch with delight! Then, while he was enjoying his conversation on-line, I could play with him, and do the actions that the person on the screen was doing to him. I think it would be fascinating!
I just met my lover on the net, through a personals e-mail he responded to of mine. We live close enough together that we see each other now every weekend. He is the joy of my life, and I would love to share that experience with you, and your readers if you wouldn't mind reading about it.
I feel as if I have met my soul-mate. We are both playful sexually, erotically sensual, and openly exploring what pleases each other. It is amazing to me that I have found him.
We never engaged in cyber-sex, although I have done it before meeting him, and I know that we will do it at some point together. I anticipate the experience, knowing that while he's receiving pleasure from a stranger, I'm watching and receiving pleasure through him.

[F 26] Yes no doubt about it, it is cheating. Marriage is very special thing, and to ruin it by sharing your fantasies, and erotic thoughts with someone else is wrong. To make it worse by not telling the other person...it is just a bad situation. For an activity that is supposibly "harmless fun", it sure is concealed from significant others frequently. If there was nothing wrong with it..then why do so many people keep it a secret? Sex should be experienced by two people who love eachother, so that they can grow and learn together...not separately.

[?] I read your CyberSex question in the news letter and I would like to put in a word on that. Morally, yes, legally, probably. If you have any questions, ask your partner. I don't think you will have to get to that point. I do however think it might be cool if both of you were on and took turns to send responses might be exciting. I have heard some women say that masturbation is wrong because they have them, and in a way cheating, which I do not agree with, and the same goes with pornography. Again, it is something to ask your partner. I think that anybody who asks if Cybersex would be cheating, if you put it in first person would be offended. I think masturbation and pornography are the only ones that would really be all that controvercial. I think this would be another good question to post on your site.

[F 32] I have been married since November (my 2nd) and have had my computer since February. In my exploring of adult chats and sites have made male friends that I have cybered with. My husband knows of this activity and his attitude is that cyber sex is not cheating in the least. He equates cybering with phone sex...no harm, no foul. There is no physical contact between me or the other men (only 2) nor would I want there to be.
I also have to say that the sexual release from cybering has been a great experience and the arousal factor is just magnanimous. My last comment on this subject is this, I have recently been coming to terms of my bisexuality and have cybered with a female 3 times (the same woman). I am thankful for being able to cyber without all the other social ramifications attached.

[M 51] I don't think cyber sex as cheating if it is kept in perspective and doesn't interfear or replace your primary relationship. For me what happens is that two (or more) people provide images for each other which lead to pleasure. In a sense we become living erotic stories for each other. It is as real as is reading and masturbating to a story by Joan Lloyd. Obviously there is the added exciting demension that there is a live person reading and sharing in the experience. My experience has been that the most pleasureable experiences have been the ones which have developed after we have gotten to know each other. I find little joy in any kind of "slam bang thank you" experience in the flesh or on line. What has also happened with me is that several of the women I have had cyber sex with have also become wonderful on line friends. In fact in several cases though we no longer have cyber sex we continue to chat and share our lives.

[M] Yes, I do believe that cybersex is cheating in most cases. There are some people in relationships that like it when there partner in engaging in such activities, so that they can watch and be turned on visually. Some people also get off by knowing their partner is messing around with someone else. I don't fall into any of those categories. In my opinion if you can do something in front of your partner, and he or she isn't offended, and it is agreed on by both involved that it is okay, then it is not cheating. But I think if your man or woman is gone, and you are hiding what you are doing from them because you know they will not approve of it, then you are cheating. If it is something you need to hide, it is something you shouldn't be doing. If you can do it in front of your partner without any problems, then go ahead and have fun.

[M 51] I think cybersex is a way of cheating. They pull there affections away from there mate. I've read all to many pages on the web of someone taking it too far like sneaking off and meeting there cyberlover, and now its out right cheating. This only undermines the family unit. I know of many who have lost the partner they were with do to cheating on line ,I say talk to and spend time with the one you love and cybersex will vanish from your life,real love will flourish

[F] When I first wrote you I said that my boyfriend and I talked it over and we agreed it was cheating....well I'm happy to say that I totally change my mind on that issue and so does he... I spend the majority time writing erotic stories as well as cybering on the net....I have no attachments to any of the people although...it has opened up other avenues to use my mind...I get a kick out of it because it's something I can do...and people like to put my mind to work and see actually how good I am. My boyfriend knows all about most of my encounters and I hide nothing from him....some of the things that I talk with other people about are just things in my imagination that I know I won't be doing anytime soon.

Updated 4/1/99 [?]Engaging in Cyber Sex is definitely cheating on a spouse. All the time that men and women spend having sexual encounters on line is time that they are "divorced" from their spouse. I am not judging why they do this. It's probably a better way to get a divorce without having all the problems of going to court, hiring an attorney and splitting up the house hold.

[F] For a while after my husband and I got married I was exploring some sexual issues in which my husband had no interest... email seemed a safe way to persue it. I had correspondance with a couple of people of a purely sexual nature... my husband was fully aware of the email I was exchanging and had no problems with it... in the end, I discontinued the CyberSex because I felt that I had taken those explorations as far as I could and they were no longer satisfying to me...
I never once felt like I was cheating and never got the impression that my husband felt as though he was being cheated on... maybe it was the fact that it was all in the open, the men I was writing to knew that I was married and that I wouldn't hide our email relationship from my husband (if he had asked, I would have shown him my email, and I made that clear to my penpals as well)
In the end, one of the guys I was writing to felt short changed by our relationship because he felt that he couldn't compete with my marriage... he chose to end it... and I still occaisionally exchange "life updates" with the other, but there is nothing sexual in our correspondance.

[?]Yes, having cybersex with someone other than one's spouse IS cheating...
... but it's OKAY cheating.
Well, it's a possibility, isn't it?

[F] I have wondered about whether or not cyber sex is cheating. I have thought long and hard about it. So, I kind of see it like this.....I consider it very close to phone sex (with no voices). My husband knows that I have tried cybering and though he does not want to hisself he seems not to mind me doing it. By the way, we have been married for 11 years and together for almost 16.

[F - 21] Hi. I am responding you your question about whether cybersex is cheating. I don't think so. I think cybersex can actually increase sexual activity at home. Cybersex is a way of talking to other people and finding new and potentially exciting ways of making love. I would have to recommend, however, that you not get too personal during cybersex, and don't take everything personal. Cybersex can be a great turnon for some couples, but it should be discussed with your partner beforehand. I have tried it a few times, and I enjoyed it immensly. I also know that sex with my husband was never better. I hope this helps with your question. I'm a 21 year old Female; Married for 3 years.

[F]I've had this discussion with my boyfriend and we both agree that as long as it's not with the same person more then twice no because all it really is is masturbation. It's like reading an erotic story and masturbating to it. I think, however, if you do it with the same person more then once there is a risk of getting attached to their style etc. I've done it and it's great for those "normal touchy feely is boring" moments.

[?-66]Maybe I'm to old(66) to understand the meaning of cyber sex but here goes anyway. First I fail to see any comparison to the real sex world where one can connect physically in place of type written words....there is no way anything like that can come close. As far as cheating.....no , I like to look at that as a way for two people to vent their feelings where they can not with their spouses. Maybe I can counter with another question, when a husband and wife swing is that cheating? Is dancing to close with a friend cheating? Is having carnal thoughts about your sister in law cheating? Cyber sex don't even come close to the word.

[?]You had something to write to you about on your site...about whether or not cybersex is cheating on a partner. I feel it is because there have been many people who have done so and decided to move in with their "lovers" and in the whole course of it, end up hurting their spouses or boyfriends, etc. It's not worth it! It destroys lives! I know someone personally who nearly ended up losing her boyfriend because of some sleazeball who wooed her on the Net and when she went to meet him in person, he was not who he said he was! All the cybersex is is a big lie, and to me, losers resort to it! Thank you for reading this and these are my honest opinions!

[?]In answer to your comment, I'd have to say no. It's an escape, a flight of fantasy of sorts - Role playing. Harmless fantasizing - granted an interactive fantasy but fantasy none the less. The scenario created between participants is not real - just a bit of imagination expressed over the pc - a harmless bit of escapism. Mischief, fun and fantasy an escape from reality. Like reading a book or daydreaming - mental masturbation. I think it is the equivalent of reading an erotic book or romance novel or maybe Playgirl or Playboy. How is it any different?
Real people maybe talking to each other; and the events they are talking about do exist in real life (sex happens :) one could hope!) but the act or acts they are talking about are not actually happening between the parties involved. As long as the parties do not meet or try to act on the fantasies and as long as the real life partners are not neglected i.e. the cybersex stays in perspective and balance it's harmless. It might even be beneficial - what's to say that after steaming up the screen one partner won't try out what they tried on screen in reality with their real partner. I would think it's like a sounding board where people test out fantasies or ideas that they might not otherwise try either to see if they want to try it w/ a partner or just for fun as an escape. Seems harmless to me.

[F] When we first got connected to the internet, my husband (of 8 years) spent 1-2 hours every morning looking at free sex sites. When I finally found the time (we have a 2 year old) I started out looking at sex sites of men and found my way to PlayGirlChat.com and enjoyed several cybersex encounters. Well, when my husband found out he hit the roof ! We agreed (to calm his concerns) not to look at or participate in any cybersex related sites. Since then I have found he has been linked up to some questionable sites but for the most part we had been 'faithful'. Then, of course, I found your site and just can't stay away. We'll see how he handles this when he finds out. I don't think looking or talking is cheating but I'm willing to do whatever makes my hubby comfortable and happy.

[F-28] As for cybersex - is it cheating ?? Yes and no....no when it's your partner your cybering with (mine lives away most of the week so at least we can do it on the net in privacy and cheaper than by phone)...and yes if it gets out of hand. I keep telling myself that in the end it's only words on a screen, but you do get some good ideas from some other partners. Where else can you have mutlipal sex partners with no risk of STD's or pregnancy than on the net ?? And besides most of them respect you in the morning.....

[?]My feelings are that cybersex is cheating. I might be in the minority, but when 2 people carry on a cyber relationship outside of their main relationship, it has to influence it. No doubt this cybering will be hidden. Secrecy takes over. It's being dishonest & if you are going to be dishonest online, the same thing will happen offline. Lying will start & once it does, it gets out of hand. Sneaking to the computer & often times it is done late at night. It has to damage any relationship. One may say that cybering sexually with another person turns them on. I feel that reading erotica to eachother can be a major turnon for couples. My husband & I do this frequently,(we use your books for much of this), so I know of what I speak. So if a person needs stimulation outside of their main relationship, buy a book or rent a movie. Just do it together. A phoney, cybersex relationship can & will cause problems.

[M] IMHO, yes. The concept of monogamy is that sexual intimacy is reserved for your partner. When you have cybersex, you are being intimate with someone else. The medium of the computer is irrelevent. The same holds true for phone sex. Just because there is no physical contact, it doesn't mean there is no intimacy.

[?]I think that CyberSex itself is not cheating. If it adds to the excitement you and your partner share, then it is great! If our partners knew what we were sometimes thinking (celebrities, former lovers, strange sex acts, etc...) about during sex, they likely would not be pleased even though both men and women do this. So, what is the problem if one or the other is thinking about an online lover that exists only in the mind.
When CyberSex is bad is when you take it to the next step and actually meet and "see what happens". My first marriage ended because my wife just had to see what it would be like to sleep with her online lover. The marriage did not end right away, but it set in motion a series of events that made divorce inevitable.
If you are going to have an online lover and you know your partner would be upset, then don't tell them. Same as if you were going to screw around...don't tell them and make sure you don't get caught. My EX flaunted her online affair and made sure that her extra-curricular fucking became known to her family. Of course there were other factors, but my advice would be to remain discreet and never tell anybody about anything.
If you and your real partner can share in this activity, and both find it exciting, then go for it. That might mean each having an online interest or that they share one or at least the ideas and fantasies that come about from this outside inspiration.
Once it gets past online, then you are looking for real trouble and discretion must be maintained.
My Motto - "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite...
...as long as you eat at home!

[?] you won't get me to relate an erotic adventure with this question, but you will get a whole bunch of others. Like, what is sex? Is it the thought, the fantasy? Or is it the act of entry into/by another? Or is it the climax? What about the lover who has sex only with his/her partner but fantasizes about another? What about masturbation? We've gone from one leader who confessed to "lusting in my mind" to one who affirmed "I did not have sex with that woman" when most of the above questions were answered in the affirmative. Are we making entirely too much of the issue? Or is cheating like art; "I know it when I see it." My generation had a song that proclaimed "love the one you're with" and maybe that's about the best we can hope for.
Interesting questions - care to comment?

[?] I don't consider cybersexing with another unknown face to be cheating. It seems to be, basically, a computer game. I realize there are people out there who go a little overboard but hey as long as you don't really get to know someone and you remain anonymous it could even be good for you. How many of us would like to know from the opposite sex whether something you want to try might be stupid or a great idea that you just aren't sure of. Well mabey I just didn't get anything out of it that others do but I did enjoy the attention for a little while...

[?]I can only give you my personal opinion to this question. I don't think it can be in the same category as an affair in person. Although it can have the same outcome. I strongly believe that if you're open and honest about what you are doing with your mate there should be no problems. However if you try and hide it, that could lead to some serious problems. As with anything in life, honesty is the best policy! I believe that a cyber affair is a lot less harmful than a real life one would be all the way around. The main thing to remember is that, it's just letters on the screen. There's no touching involved, none between each other that is. I believe if you're honest and open with it, it could be exciting for both people. I personally get turned on by watching my wife have cyber with another person. Just thinking that there's a guy somewhere feeling himself due to her excites me. I have nothing to fear by it because when she is done she just signs off and it's over. They will never meet in person. I think that for the most part it comes down to trust. You have to have total trust that your partner is not going to run off with the person on the other end of the line. I have heard stories of that happening. I trust my wife, I know where she will be when it's all over. She'll be with me!! I guess the main thing you would have to ask yourself is "do I trust my mate " If so, what is it going to hurt? The way I always treat it when I do it is, I look at it like a story I would masturbate to in a magazine, only difference is I get to write it with someone adding in their words. That's all it is to me, erotic poetry.

[?]I think cybersex is a way of cheating. Allot of people can't keep it just for fun. They pull there affections away from there mate. I've read all to many pages on the web of someone taking it to far like sneaking off and meeting there cyberlover, and now its out right cheating. This can only undermine the family unit.

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